Virgin Mary Chilli Eggs & Coffee Frappucino

Confession No 18: My Big Fat Hangover

I was alive, that much was clear. Everything in my body seemed to be reacting; my head was pounding, my heart was racing and my mouth was drier than the Sahara. I prized open one eye just a smidge and quickly closed it – too bright out there. I moved a toe, it hurt. I moved a finger, it hurt. I moved a hair on my head, it hurt…… Why, why, why!!!!!

Here is the conversation that was going on inside my head:
Why did you do that to yourself you idiot?
I don’t know…

Don’t you know that it’s always, ALWAYS going to hurt?
I keep forgetting. Please don’t shout….

You do realise that you’ll feel like crap all day and it’s going to take you at least 3 days to get over it!
Uh huh, but I didn’t think of that last night. Last night I was beautiful, funny,
brilliant in fact…

You also realise that you’re going to sit on the couch all day eating large quantities of junk food!
Mmmmmmm, food. Need salt, carbs and protein, lots of protein…

It doesn’t matter which day it is or after what occasion; it doesn’t matter what I eat or how much I line my stomach; it doesn’t matter if I don’t mix my drinks; it doesn’t even matter if I drink water in between each glass of wine. If I indulge a little too much the night before, the day after is always bad, and sometimes catastrophic.

My hangovers are monumental. My head gets too small to fit my brain, my eyes develop road maps, my skin is white and pasty and my face hurts. Yep you read right, the skin on my face actually hurts – crying out in pain no doubt at the severe dehydration.

If that’s not enough, I have the urge to eat myself out of the hangover. Carbs, protein, salt, followed by more carbs (preferably salted) and absolutely no fruit, vegetables or water allowed. Normally I live on fruit, vegetables and loads of water but not on hangover days (thankfully there aren’t too many). Any sort of nutritional or hydrating value is not allowed, banned, barred, illegal and strictly forbidden. It’s hideous all the way my friend.

The problem is (well there are several problems that I can see just at first glance, but let’s just stick with one), that it always makes me feel worse. I think it’s what I need – you know, the salt, gynormous beef burger, chips – but after I eat it, I always feel so much worse. Not just because I’ve eaten a kazillion calories but also because I know it’s just so bad for me and it’s not really what my body needs and I have in fact just contributed mightily to my dehydration.

It’s no use forcing myself to eat a bowl of cereal, a fresh fruit salad or even a wheatgrass smoothie (which I must admit to avoiding at the best of times). I’ll end up eating that and then going in for the salted carb and protein extravaganza. No, I need good alternatives, ones that will satisfy both the stomach and the mind (I think it might be the mind that’s the hardest to please in these situations…). So in times of hangover crisis I reach for my Virgin Mary Chilli Eggs.

One, because they are just so good that I could eat them in a hydrated state any day of the week, but also I am atoning for my sins of the night before and hoping for a little divine intervention. Couple it with an ice cold coffee frappucino (to stop the hot flushes) and you just might make it through to tomorrow.

So, if you are planning a big one this New Year’s (or any other time), try these. They may just save your life.

And so you don’t feel too bad, look out for the January newsletter on Detox. Gorgeous, tasty recipes that will have you back in shape in no time. If you’re not signed up for the newsletter, do it now as you don’t want to miss it!

Do you get monumental hangovers? What do you do to help claw your way back from the abyss?

Virgin Mary Chilli Eggs


Coffee Frappucino

Coffee Frappuchino

If chilli eggs aren’t your thing but you may need some help on the 1st, you might like to try:

Breakfast Pie


Crispy Chicken & Chips


Tastiest Beef Burger with Caramelised Onions


Or just troll through Hangover Hell (it’s really just healthy takeaway food)

Indulge without guilt
Eat without deprivation
Cook great food even when you are on your own
Embrace food moods
Eat what you want



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